Struggling

"And so you're glad to leave me?"  "Not at all, Bessie; indeed, just now I'm rather sorry."  "Just now! and rather!  How coolly my little lady says it!  I dare say now if I were to ask you for a kiss you wouldn't give it me: you'd say you'd _rather_ not."  "I'll kiss you and welcome: bend your head down."  Bessie stooped; we mutually embraced, and I followed her into the house quite comforted. That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony; and in the evening Bessie told me some of her most enchanting stories, and sang me some of her sweetest songs.  Even for me life had its gleams of sunshine.     CHAPTER V   Five o'clock had hardly struck on the morning of the 19th of January, when Bessie brought a candle into my closet and found me already up and nearly dressed.  I had risen half-an-hour before her entrance, and had washed my face, and put on my clothes by the light of a half-moon just setting, whose rays streamed through the narrow window near my crib.  I was to leave Gateshead that day by a coach which passed the lodge gates at six a.m.  Bessie was the only person yet risen; she had lit a fire in the nursery, where she now proceeded to make my breakfast.  Few children can eat when excited with the thoughts of a journey; nor could I.  Bessie, having pressed me in vain to take a few spoonfuls of the boiled milk and bread she had prepared for me, wrapped up some biscuits in a paper and put them into my bag; then she helped me on with my pelisse and bonnet, and wrapping herself in a shawl, she and I left the nursery.  As we passed Mrs. Reed's bedroom, she said, "Will you go in and bid Missis good- bye?"  "No, Bessie: she came to my crib last night when you were gone down to supper, and said I need not disturb her in the morning, or my cousins either; and she told me to remember that she had always been my best friend, and to speak of her and be grateful to her accordingly."  "What did you say, Miss?"  "Nothing: I covered my face with the bedclothes, and turned from her to the wall."  "That was wrong, Miss Jane."  "It was quite right, Bessie.  Your Missis has not been my friend: she has been my foe."