"Well, well! who knows what may happen?" said Mr. Lloyd, as he got up. "The child ought to have change of air and scene," he added, speaking to himself; "nerves not in a good state." Bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel-walk. "Is that your mistress, nurse?" asked Mr. Lloyd. "I should like to speak to her before I go." Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the way out. In the interview which followed between him and Mrs. Reed, I presume, from after-occurrences, that the apothecary ventured to recommend my being sent to school; and the recommendation was no doubt readily enough adopted; for as Abbot said, in discussing the subject with Bessie when both sat sewing in the nursery one night, after I was in bed, and, as they thought, asleep, "Missis was, she dared say, glad enough to get rid of such a tiresome, ill-conditioned child, who always looked as if she were watching everybody, and scheming plots underhand." Abbot, I think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine Guy Fawkes. On that same occasion I learned, for the first time, from Miss Abbot's communications to Bessie, that my father had been a poor clergyman; that my mother had married him against the wishes of her friends, who considered the match beneath her; that my grandfather Reed was so irritated at her disobedience, he cut her off without a shilling; that after my mother and father had been married a year, the latter caught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor of a large manufacturing town where his curacy was situated, and where that disease was then prevalent: that my mother took the infection from him, and both died within a month of each other. Bessie, when she heard this narrative, sighed and said, "Poor Miss Jane is to be pitied, too, Abbot." "Yes," responded Abbot; "if she were a nice, pretty child, one might compassionate her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such a little toad as that." "Not a great deal, to be sure," agreed Bessie: "at any rate, a beauty like Miss Georgiana would be more moving in the same condition." "Yes, I doat on Miss Georgiana!" cried the fervent Abbot. "Little darling!--with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweet colour as she has; just as if she were painted!--Bessie, I could fancy a Welsh rabbit for supper." "So could I--with a roast onion. Come, we'll go down." They went.
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
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I will be turning 58 the end of this coming August. I just made it through a nasty year of fighting breast cancer. The fight, honestly, was most difficult because I knew the truth -- that I felt I had been offered a legitimate doorway out of this life. I felt I was being dishonest fighting to stay here. But here I am. That thing called courage, again.
ReplyDeleteIt helps for me to understand 'what ails me' in a brighter light and in a bigger picture. It helps me then that I can back off a little bit and realize that there is a ME that is bigger than all that ails me. Sometimes it's like being ready to come out on stage and live my life but I never get past that thick heavy curtain and out where the bright lights are. I'm always just behind it, wondering how other people manage to 'be seen.'
I hope you write poetry. I say that because I can already see the beauty of the poetry in your writing. You are gifted. As Adrian Monk in the American TV series would say, you have been blessed with a gift and a curse. Have you seen that show? My daughter just sent me the first 6 seasons on DVD.
It was good that you fought, and not dishonest at all. Those were good realisations that you came to, sounds like they really helped you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I do very occasionally, but can never write anything I'm happy with. No, I've never seen it but I love getting lots of seasons of shows on dvd at once, the anticipation is always exciting!