Wednesday 3 June 2009

And things go on

There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.  We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; but since dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early) the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and a rain so penetrating, that further out-door exercise was now out of the question.  I was glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed.  The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room: she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looked perfectly happy.  Me, she had dispensed from joining the group; saying, "She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance; but that until she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her own observation, that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner--something lighter, franker, more natural, as it were--she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children."

1 comment:

  1. Mick is a clearly a douche. If he's been depressed, then he should be more understanding. Depression by its very nature is the absence of a 'positive mental attitude.' Telling someone with clinical depression to think positively is akin to telling someone without legs to just stand up and walk.

    Of course I'd like to see a new, more positive Hannah but you can't force what you don't feel. Or maybe you shouldn't force it. I think you're right about finding safe and appropriate places to express yourself. I hope this is a safe place for you.

    If you're crying and fighting with friends on nights out, how about skipping nights out for a while? I don't mean become a loner, it's just that drinking a lot, late nights, and crowds might not be the best thing for you right now. You can still have fun.

    But give yourself a break, honey. You're allowed to have feelings. It's OK to feel bad.

    Well done on the new job. Hope you enjoy it.

    ((BIG HUGS)) la xx

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