Sunday 28 December 2008

Uni work

"God bless you, my children!"  Helen she held a little longer than me: she let her go more reluctantly; it was Helen her eye followed to the door; it was for her she a second time breathed a sad sigh; for her she wiped a tear from her cheek.  On reaching the bedroom, we heard the voice of Miss Scatcherd: she was examining drawers; she had just pulled out Helen Burns's, and when we entered Helen was greeted with a sharp reprimand, and told that to-morrow she should have half-a-dozen of untidily folded articles pinned to her shoulder.  "My things were indeed in shameful disorder," murmured Helen to me, in a low voice: "I intended to have arranged them, but I forgot."  Next morning, Miss Scatcherd wrote in conspicuous characters on a piece of pasteboard the word "Slattern," and bound it like a phylactery round Helen's large, mild, intelligent, and benign-looking forehead.  She wore it till evening, patient, unresentful, regarding it as a deserved punishment.  The moment Miss Scatcherd withdrew after afternoon school, I ran to Helen, tore it off, and thrust it into the fire: the fury of which she was incapable had been burning in my soul all day, and tears, hot and large, had continually been scalding my cheek; for the spectacle of her sad resignation gave me an intolerable pain at the heart.  About a week subsequently to the incidents above narrated, Miss Temple, who had written to Mr. Lloyd, received his answer: it appeared that what he said went to corroborate my account.  Miss Temple, having assembled the whole school, announced that inquiry had been made into the charges alleged against Jane Eyre, and that she was most happy to be able to pronounce her completely cleared from every imputation.  The teachers then shook hands with me and kissed me, and a murmur of pleasure ran through the ranks of my companions.  Thus relieved of a grievous load, I from that hour set to work afresh, resolved to pioneer my way through every difficulty: I toiled hard, and my success was proportionate to my efforts; my memory, not naturally tenacious, improved with practice; exercise sharpened my wits; in a few weeks I was promoted to a higher class; in less than two months I was allowed to commence French and drawing.  I learned the first two tenses of the verb _Etre_, and sketched my first cottage (whose walls, by-the- bye, outrivalled in slope those of the leaning tower of Pisa), on the same day.  That night, on going to bed, I forgot to prepare in imagination the Barmecide supper of hot roast potatoes, or white bread and new milk, with which I was wont to amuse my inward cravings: I feasted instead on the spectacle of ideal drawings, which I saw in the dark; all the work of my own hands: freely pencilled houses and trees, picturesque rocks and ruins, Cuyp-like groups of cattle, sweet paintings of butterflies hovering over unblown roses, of birds picking at ripe cherries, of wren's nests enclosing pearl-like eggs, wreathed about with young ivy sprays.  I examined, too, in thought, the possibility of my ever being able to translate currently a certain little French story which Madame Pierrot had that day shown me; nor was that problem solved to my satisfaction ere I fell sweetly asleep.

6 comments:

  1. Being harsh to yourself may make you procrastinate even more for fear of making a mistake. Try to give yourself a break, I know that is easier said than done though. Could you Try doing just one small thing in the direction you need to go in? You might find that grows quicker than you'd expect.

    Lola x

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  2. Lola is wise. Doing several small things helps you to feel like you're doing something, which then encourages you to do more. What about a change of scenery - is there a library nearby or a nice cafe you could work in?

    take care x

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  3. Lola - I think you're right there! I'm just getting so stressed about not having done work, it's a huge vicious cycle and it's going to end up in a mess! Tomorrow I'll try to start some work, just a little bit as you suggest, think it's the best way to go.

    Ruby - Hi, always nice to hear from new visitors! Another good idea, I could probably work in one of the cafes on campus, least it would be warm, might keep me more focused!

    Thanks to both of you x

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  4. Honey, I hear you (and I like your "thing" about visiting me "some odd time ago." It's like my alter-ego Spock, doing time travel shooting through many...well, we could go on forever about sizes and spaces...universes, galaxies...

    But that is not the point.

    Dahling...I was laid off in April (as I think you know?) and am still unemployed--much to my chagrin.

    Chagrin??? ACK!

    However, I am the Queen of Procrastination and I am also completely mental so I understand on both or all fronts.

    I do admire you for tackling school. Stay tuned. I am not sure but wee PA may take that route? Appt. tomorrow. I don't know what is on offer...but?

    Just hang tight and if you feel like baking...go for it. It may take your mind off your papers and maybe your baking might tie in to what you have to write. Listen, for the brief time I did spend in uni...stranger things did happen.

    Yes, baby steps and all that was said above. When we get pressured to perform or just under pressure no matter, our brains can have a tendency to go *pop* or go the other way and sort of "numb." It's like...I can't function, I don't know WTF...

    Trust me...that's me with my ADD. When I get more into the Bipolar groove...okay baby...bring it on! But medicated...I don't "get on fire" like that now. Now, I feel how you feel.

    So, I still say, go with the baking. Even if it's something simple. No, really! It may sound stupid and maybe I do too but with my ADD and being so scattered, it gives your brain a chance to shift, focus on something else maybe and then you can go back to what you need to do?

    Tell me I'm silly if I am. No, really.

    xo

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  5. Hi PA
    I can understand your chagrin! But keep it up with the resumes and I'm sure you will find something, unfortunately those kinds of things can take time.

    I think you're right, I think my brain has gone pop a bit, you've summed up how I feel very well! And you don't sound silly or stupid, honestly! You're making good points, definitely something to think about and follow.

    The uni route is interesting, some of it's amazing, some of it is horrible and sometimes the pressure is just too intense but you should definitely consider it, so far for me it has been worth it.
    Thanks. x

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  6. Well you could blog about both, or do two posts, that is if you want to blog about your emotional stuff.
    What exactly was your appt for? I hate not understanding things, it's very annoying.

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