Monday 1 June 2009

Today

"What does Bessie say I have done?" I asked.  "Jane, I don't like cavillers or questioners; besides, there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner.  Be seated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent."  A breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there.  It contained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures.  I mounted into the window- seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and, having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined in double retirement.  Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day.  At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon.  Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near a scene of wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast.  I returned to my book--Bewick's History of British Birds: the letterpress thereof I cared little for, generally speaking; and yet there were certain introductory pages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank.  They were those which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl; of "the solitary rocks and promontories" by them only inhabited; of the coast of Norway, studded with isles from its southern extremity, the Lindeness, or Naze, to the North Cape--

2 comments:

  1. I hope it goes alright *hugs*. I know it's hard but please don't accept what that guy said about you making it up. If you weren't fully conscious and you were forced then it wasn't a mistake, it wasn't your fault at all. You're bound to feel muddled and scared, I hope they take good care of you and give you the support that you need.

    I'll be thinking about you Hannah, I understand what you mean about not being fine but what else can we say? I know you have much more troubling things to deal with and I can't imagine how difficult it must be but I hope the people at the rape crisis centre can help you. I hope you can tell them the truth but no matter what, we'll always be here to read what you have to say even if you can't say it aloud.

    Take care and stay strong

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  2. Nick, as always thanks, you're really good at giving advice! The proble is that I don't think there's anything anyone can really say. I keep turning to people for support or advice and they always let me down, because I'm expecting other people to solve this, which of course they can't. No-one can make this better I guess.

    Thank you.

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