Sunday 25 January 2009

Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could not very well understand her--that I was ignorant, or nearly so, of the subject she discussed.  I recalled her to my level.  "And when Miss Temple teaches you, do your thoughts wander then?"  "No, certainly, not often; because Miss Temple has generally something to say which is newer than my own reflections; her language is singularly agreeable to me, and the information she communicates is often just what I wished to gain."  "Well, then, with Miss Temple you are good?"  "Yes, in a passive way: I make no effort; I follow as inclination guides me.  There is no merit in such goodness."  "A great deal: you are good to those who are good to you.  It is all I ever desire to be.  If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way: they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse.  When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should--so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again."  "You will change your mind, I hope, when you grow older: as yet you are but a little untaught girl."  "But I feel this, Helen; I must dislike those who, whatever I do to please them, persist in disliking me; I must resist those who punish me unjustly.  It is as natural as that I should love those who show me affection, or submit to punishment when I feel it is deserved."  "Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians and civilised nations disown it."  "How?  I don't understand."  "It is not violence that best overcomes hate--nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury."  "What then?"  "Read the New Testament, and observe what Christ says, and how He acts; make His word your rule, and His conduct your example."  "What does He say?"  "Love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them that hate you and despitefully use you."

4 comments:

  1. That bloke sounds like an out and out arsehole.

    And as for terrible pasts and tragic happenings, well maybe living with depression for you IS your tragic happening. You are very hard on yourself here, it's all relative, and it is a terrible thing to have to live with a mental illness. That takes it's toll as much as a bad event.

    I hope your night out goes well, have fun, you deserve it.

    Lola x

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  2. Which bloke lol.
    I'm being hard on myself because I feel like absolute shit and there's not even a reason for it. I can't stand feeling this way anymore, I can't take it. I can't do this.
    And all my friends are too busy to notice, they have too many other things to do instead of dealing with this mess. They're too busy to care right now. And I don't know what to do.

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  3. I think actually you have had more of import to say than you realise (I very much appreciated your comments BTW, they've been of gr8 value) - to add to what Lola has already said (she's right about that bloke too) everything has a reason, it's just sometimes they're big and obvious and sometimes they're harder to see - don't be hard on yourself, you're doing what u can do and that's great. Hope your night is a good one tonight, take care

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  4. Thanks, glad the comments were helpful. That makes sense, I guess the challenge is just making it through every day and doing my best to get through it. Tonight should be good, thanks again.

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